Lyn-Z's Ashes

     Hello everyone! First off I need to send a shout out to all my lovely readers! We have now reached over 1600 views which I find odd since I am not all that interesting! But thank you anyways!!!     Moving onward! Not a whole hell of a lot is going on aside from the blissful thing life hands us called love! Whitlee is doing fantastic in school and is getting better and better at life each day. Its a wonderful thing watching her mind grow. My best friend in the entire world Doll Face Kitty Pants is happier then I have seen her in a long time and its fantastic. I love that girl to death.   The job search is really going no where and its starting to eat at me more and more everyday. I actually enjoy the cooking and cleaning for the family everyday though which is shocking. I get to spend more time with the kiddos and friends and family so I am trying to stay positive but its becoming more and more difficult. I got approved for my unemplo...

     OK so looks like I'm back on the posting train!!! I just have so much happiness to share with the world!!! So much has happened in the weekend that I have to share it so here it goes!!!    OK so I had been forced to move for reasons that I am refusing to get into. Once again I was left with no where and nothing but its my fault that I put myself into these positions. No one else's. Just when I was about to go back to an unsafe environment I ended up being forced out of it. And like she always does in these situations, Doll Face Kitty Pants came through and rescued me. So now I stay with her. She means the world to me and I'll never be able to repay her and no words can ever explain my gratefulness for her. Although I have knocked myself down too many times to explain, I feel like I can finally see the light and see what I need to do for myself and my babies. I have a plan and an idea and plan on sticking to this idea. But all in all I'm more then bl...

First of all my deepest and sincere apologies for not writing a new blog sooner. this year has possibly been one of the very worst that I have experienced in a very long time but also one of the best. So here is my year at a glance...enjoy!          So basically I lost my job at Enterprise the day after my birthday. I still have Coach but that doesn't bring in a lot of money. Life is a struggle the past few days, well, month but its a learning experience. I'm trying my best and it never seems to be good enough for certain people but I am my own person and I'm hanging in there. I lost a lot of friends and did a lot of things that I regret and wish I could take back in the month of December but I know that will never be enough. Kinda like December of 2011. I miss all of my friends at Enterprise and for the most part have maintained to stay in contact with most of them. Doesn't make it any less hard.      My beautiful dau...

Never again will I experience, A love like I shared with you. I wish I would have told you sooner, I just thought you always knew. Looking back now I see, All the things I didn't do right. I wish it didn't take losing you, To finally see the light. The love we had was real; Something ill never forget. No matter how bad it hurts, It's something I'll never regret. If only I had a time machine, I'd simply go back in time. Change things that happened, So I could forever make you mine. I've tried so hard to move on, Let you be happy in life. But I just can't let you go, No matter how hard I try. I love you to this day, Just like I did back then. I promise you ill move on, I just can't promise you when. I can't help but look in your eyes, And love you more and more. You played a big part in my life, And will always be someone I adore. I'll never be able to thank you enough, For the way you made me feel. You gave me a lov...

Ok so I started writing this on my mom's birthday but couldn't bring myself to finish it so finally here it is!!! Happy Birthday Mommy Today is your 43rd birthday. I thought it'd be easier by now. But I think of your pretty face, And in my tears I drown. I'm trying to fight through the pain, The heartache and the fears. Remembering the good times you had, In your brief 36 years. Every time I'd ask "Mom, what do I get you this year?" "Write me a poem." You'd say, And you always held it dear. I always think of what it'd be like If you were with us today. But rather then a celebration, This day only brings dismay. You meant the world to me. I never told you enough. I miss you more then anything. Even more when times get tough. There are so many things I want to say. So many things I wanted you to know. I simply wish I would have told you Before it was your time to go. I'm trying to smile, I'm trying to ...

     There are times in your life when you learn to give up on your own happiness for the sake of someone else's. Its called being selfless. I've come to the realization today that I have done this for more then one person. I'm still struggling trying to let go for reasons that I cannot explain. Its like God likes to play this game where he sends me people to love with every fiber of my being, just to take them away from me. You'd think that I would have learned my lesson by now and just shut down but I haven't. Some times I wish I was incapable of love and emotionless so I wouldn't keep getting hurt. The fact of the  matter is that love consumes my life on so many levels. Erasing it is impossible.   I'm still debating as to whether or not I want to post this blog. The truth is the past few months have lead me to a dark place. Probably the darkest I have ever been in my life. And before you even read this, don't feel sorry for me and don't tell m...

          OK I need to work on this manuscript but I cant because I'm scared. I need my best friend to tell me to shut up and do it. Well he's gone so imma have to do this one alone. I don't wanna do this gah. I don't think I'm ready...         I'm talking about the poem book. My poem book. My most intimate feelings and secrets. My book. Get it published is all I ever hear. Finally after being told one last time to do it, I find a publisher. When submitting my manuscript, I freeze. I'm still fighting with myself on whether to do it or not and all I hear is BFDP voice in my freaking head screaming shut up and do it. Then I scream back that he isn't my friend anymore then I punch him in the face because we aren't friends anymore and it still hurts. I wish it didn't and I wish it was easy but its not and I'm trying My hardest. gah. The thought of the whole thing sent me into a panic attack....I HAVE TO DO THIS!!! He has helped me a lot and ...