Welcome to a world where being you is never enough.
So as a continuation from my last blog obviously my mom didn't wake up. There are days I wish she had because life would be so much easier if she were here then there are days I wish she hadn't because I wouldn't be who I am had I lost her. Ok well here goes what happened next.
I couldn't tell you how long I stayed at the hospital that night, making phone calls to loved ones explaining the news but mostly hoping and praying the doctor would come running out saying she was awake. Yea, that didn't happen either. It was about 4:30 - 5 in the morning when I realized that I hadn't called my mom's best friend. Gloria would just be waking up and getting ready for her work day. I called and started bawling at the sound of her voice. I had called her from my mom's phone and told her that mom had passed away. "Lynne died?" I had forgotten that I had called from mom's cell and not mine. "No, this is Lynzee and mom died last night!!" there was a pause on the line and frantically I hear her say "Susie? Susie is dead?" then she burst into tears. After leaving the hospital I went and got my baby sister and my little brother. The entire ride to Ali's house Lainie just stared at the sky. It was almost like she knew and I remember every time I looked at her face all I could do was cry. How am I going to explain to my baby sister that our mom is gone? After all this was over Lainie and Chris went to live with my uncle Bobby and my brother Matt stayed with my aunt. I stayed with Ali for a bit then went to live with Gloria. 7 months later I got pregnant and moved in with my boyfriend. I'm making a long story short here by saying that some crap went down and I had lost touch with her. After months of not talking to her I see one of her friends in the hospital where my uncle Billy was at. She told me Gloria wasn't doing well and they weren't sure if she was going to make it. Not until later did I find out that She was there visiting Gloria. I had tried calling her cell and calling her job and calling her house with no luck. After my step dad did some research we found out that she had already passed. The day I got this news everything that happened with my mom played over again. I had always called Gloria mom #2 and I had just lost her a mere 2 years after losing my mom. I couldn't and still don't understand why God had taken away my moms. I immediately call Ali and explain through a face full of tears what I've just found out. Crying to her I try to figure out why God had given me 2 moms just to take them away. I try to remember what she said next everyday but its really hard. " Try to remember that God blessed you with two moms when most people only get one." It helped and as I remember it through crying eyes while writing this blog it still helps.
The point is take advantage of your moms fully. Reason being is there are so many times when I wish I had at least one of them here to talk to about day to day issues and I can't. I found out tonight that my boyfriend has been lying to me for the past 2 years about something. This something is a big thing. He expects something out of me and I change it only to find out that he has been doing this something that he hates the entire time that we have been together. No matter how hard I try and how much I change its never enough. I know I need to leave blah blah blah. Please refer to one of my earlier blogs if you are going to tell me that. I was so upset and so angry that I left. All I wanted was one of my moms to talk to. I couldn't call them or drive to their house nothing. I had to drive to my mom's grave site. (Gloria was cremated). Yes, crazy as it sounds I drove at 11 at night to a grave yard. I don't get scared there I just needed to know that even though they aren't here that I had them. No matter how hard it is and how scared you are that she will get mad, tell your mom everything. You'll never realize all the things that you wanted to tell them until they are gone.
That's enough tears for tonight folks have a good one!!!
I couldn't tell you how long I stayed at the hospital that night, making phone calls to loved ones explaining the news but mostly hoping and praying the doctor would come running out saying she was awake. Yea, that didn't happen either. It was about 4:30 - 5 in the morning when I realized that I hadn't called my mom's best friend. Gloria would just be waking up and getting ready for her work day. I called and started bawling at the sound of her voice. I had called her from my mom's phone and told her that mom had passed away. "Lynne died?" I had forgotten that I had called from mom's cell and not mine. "No, this is Lynzee and mom died last night!!" there was a pause on the line and frantically I hear her say "Susie? Susie is dead?" then she burst into tears. After leaving the hospital I went and got my baby sister and my little brother. The entire ride to Ali's house Lainie just stared at the sky. It was almost like she knew and I remember every time I looked at her face all I could do was cry. How am I going to explain to my baby sister that our mom is gone? After all this was over Lainie and Chris went to live with my uncle Bobby and my brother Matt stayed with my aunt. I stayed with Ali for a bit then went to live with Gloria. 7 months later I got pregnant and moved in with my boyfriend. I'm making a long story short here by saying that some crap went down and I had lost touch with her. After months of not talking to her I see one of her friends in the hospital where my uncle Billy was at. She told me Gloria wasn't doing well and they weren't sure if she was going to make it. Not until later did I find out that She was there visiting Gloria. I had tried calling her cell and calling her job and calling her house with no luck. After my step dad did some research we found out that she had already passed. The day I got this news everything that happened with my mom played over again. I had always called Gloria mom #2 and I had just lost her a mere 2 years after losing my mom. I couldn't and still don't understand why God had taken away my moms. I immediately call Ali and explain through a face full of tears what I've just found out. Crying to her I try to figure out why God had given me 2 moms just to take them away. I try to remember what she said next everyday but its really hard. " Try to remember that God blessed you with two moms when most people only get one." It helped and as I remember it through crying eyes while writing this blog it still helps.
The point is take advantage of your moms fully. Reason being is there are so many times when I wish I had at least one of them here to talk to about day to day issues and I can't. I found out tonight that my boyfriend has been lying to me for the past 2 years about something. This something is a big thing. He expects something out of me and I change it only to find out that he has been doing this something that he hates the entire time that we have been together. No matter how hard I try and how much I change its never enough. I know I need to leave blah blah blah. Please refer to one of my earlier blogs if you are going to tell me that. I was so upset and so angry that I left. All I wanted was one of my moms to talk to. I couldn't call them or drive to their house nothing. I had to drive to my mom's grave site. (Gloria was cremated). Yes, crazy as it sounds I drove at 11 at night to a grave yard. I don't get scared there I just needed to know that even though they aren't here that I had them. No matter how hard it is and how scared you are that she will get mad, tell your mom everything. You'll never realize all the things that you wanted to tell them until they are gone.
That's enough tears for tonight folks have a good one!!!
Real talk
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