Lyn-Z's Ashes

First off I'm sorry i didn't post when I said I was going to. It got late and I got tired and fell asleep.I am not homeless just have been super busy. Things have changed just so much to fit in one blog and I think that at this point I'm just going to keep things to my self. I have no idea whats going on in my life right now to be quit frank and until I can figure it out for myself I simply cant share. There is a lot of loss and a lot of anxiety and a lot of stress going on and I'm not sure how to handle it or what to do to make it all better and no matter what I try or offer nothing is good enough. I need to know something but get told nothing and it always turns into a fight so I'm just going to look out for myself since i can't count on anyone else.       In other news, as most of you know mothers day and May 19th are a terrible time for me. Shockingly mothers day was a ton harder then the 19th. I worked both days and my m...

             Hello all my lovely readers! First off let me start by thanking all of you! When I started this blog I didn't expect anyone to read. At first my readers were slow coming but since posting my blog on my Facebook and Twitter I have gone from 5 views to 129!!!! AH-MAY-ZING! As promised, after 75 views I was going to attempt to write a poem. Well my dears we are at 129! This means that you are getting the poem you want, but I do need suggestions, advice, etc. etc. on what you want a poem about. If it weren't for my readers there wouldn't be one at all. You can send your suggestions via Facebook (wall post, message, tag, whatever) Twitter, or comment on here. if you wish to remain anonymous you are more then welcome to do so. I am open to any and all suggestions so suggest away!!!   Enough of all that jazz. Today was an all and all epic day...then I got home. Mondays are always swamped at work and having it be th...

So as a continuation from my last blog obviously my mom didn't wake up. There are days I wish she had because life would be so much easier if she were here then there are days I wish she hadn't because I wouldn't be who I am had I lost her. Ok well here goes what happened next.     I couldn't tell you how long I stayed at the hospital that night, making phone calls to loved ones explaining the news but mostly hoping and praying the doctor would come running out saying she was awake. Yea, that didn't happen either. It was about 4:30 - 5 in the morning when I realized that I hadn't called my mom's best friend. Gloria would just be waking up and getting ready for her work day. I called and started bawling at the sound of her voice. I had called her from my mom's phone and told her that mom had passed away. "Lynne died?" I had forgotten that I had called from mom's cell and not mine. "No, this is Lynzee and mom died last night!!" th...

Even though this is sure to be a sad blog, I wanted to start off by saying woohooo!!! I'm up to 55 views!!! Its not much but that's a big deal. I kinda feel bad now for not posting near as much as I should. Well times are getting tough so I'm going to need my blog or as I like to call it venting post a lot more now lol. Some of you that know me personally and are reading this might be expecting a poem but I'm sorry to have to let you down. I have had writers block for a few years now and trust and believe that it is driving me insane. I wish I could compose a poem and I'm sure if I really tried I could but who has time. I vow to make time in the future. Perhaps if I get 75 views. Even though it took me a minute to decide whether or not to do so I have added my blog to my Facebook page (eek!) so perhaps we will get there soon.       OK so lets get this started!! So not a lot is going on in life lately...work is going great, home life is well....home life I s...

So I'm not really sure how I didn't just lose the one person I can't live without. I requested something very specific of this individual expecting the best. What I got was this individual's true feelings. Even though something do simple was requested of this individual the results meant the world to me. The results weren't even close to what I've suspected. Now I know my past has screwed up a lot of things for me I should have at least had the right to prove you wrong in my future. If its not time will there ever be the right time? It meant nothing it was a simple request for a simple gift that showed me your true feelings. The simple fact that you showed me you can't get me something that means nothing Showed me that I also meant nothing. If I so disposable to you then why are you still keeping me around? I don't want to be played I do not want to waste my time. I know what I want and what I want is you. Forever everyday all day and nothing else. And ...

                          There comes a point in every ones life that they want to throw their hands in the air and say “what do you want from me?”   I’m so beyond that point. I have done anything and everything that someone asks of me and its still not good enough. Ive changed so many things about who I am to mold myself into what you see as perfect and It still isn’t enough. I give and give day after today and you take more and more. I know who I am now but I second guess myself. Who was I before? I’ve lost myself and as shocking as that is I let this person take more of me away everyday. The truth is as crazy as it may seem I cant be without this person. Ive tried and I never want to do It again I've never been so hurt over someone before. I love them with every fiber of my being and no matter how much they change who I am as long as I'm with them nothing else...

   Hello all, whoever you may be!! So the reason that I started this blog was to let go of my inter most thoughts and concerns that I hold on to too tightly thinking that it would be easier to reveal my troubles and sorrows to strangers rather then people I know. It was an easy fix so it would seem. There were only two people who I knew that had known about my blog and those two I trusted dearly and knew that no judgement would be passed. As it seems, nothing in this life I lead is private which is why I have decided to just go ahead and let it out to everyone. Later on today when I get off work I will be posting this blog to facebook. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that but if people want to judge me then they can deal with the consequences. Life is about taking chances and that is what I'm doing. It could turn bad or good but everything has an outcome.  So anyways. Today is a the start of the work week and so far it has been a good day. More eventful then m...