Daddy's little girl

Daddy's little girl died today. Mommy was packing everything in trash bags and told me and my baby brothers we were moving into grandma Lola's. I don't know why daddy doesn't love mommy anymore. All I know is were moving. And daddy's little girl is dead.

I was 6 when daddy's little girl died. I remember he made Chris sit outside and wait for mom when he was maybe 2. He soiled his diaper and daddy didn't wanna change it. I don't know why he helped create 3 babies and cared more about booze and cigarettes then his own flesh. Shortly after that mom left him. I remember seeing him occasionally but it wasn't the same. Daddy was irreplaceable and no one would ever change that. I didn't care if they weren't together. The 6 year old onside of me always knew they would be back together. Up until I was 11, I never lost hope.

Being with grandma made things easier. Mommy was getting ready for something but I didn't know what. While watching mommy,  I hear a knock on the door. "Mommy there's a man here with blue eyes to see you." Little did I know that man would soon be the biggest impact I ever had on my life. That man actually wanted us to go do things with him and mommy and soon we all lived together. He even got us a kitty. The cat that reminded me of snow white. And would remain in our family until her life ended. I remember camping. And fishing on the docks. And swimming every chance we got. But I still wanted mommy And my daddy back together. Daddy's little girl was still alive. Chris called this new man daddy. But I wouldn't. He was a threat. He was simply holding daddy's place until mommy and daddy got back together. He'd be gone soon. I rebelled. And then one night the new man was sick. He wouldn't get out of bed. Tears stream uncontrollably down my face I told mommy I didn't want him to die. And I was sorry I was mean to him. She encouraged me to talk to him and he wouldn't be mad. He was now daddy Mike.

Years pass but daddy's little girl was still alive. Daddy Mike never left but she still rebelled. At age 11 she asked her mom if her and daddy would ever get back together. Her world was soon crushed. Mom told her that she loved daddy for what he gave her, but she didn't love him and they would never be together again. Mommy and daddy Mike got married. I was sad, still holding onto the 6 year old girl inside of me. But mom encouraged me to be happy because she was happy.

Years passed and as daddy's little girl got older, she seen daddy less often, and mom and daddy Mike grew apart. Mom and daddy Mike became mom. And the 6 year old inside thought finally mommy and daddy can be together again. But they don't. Mom became trapped in her own despair and depression finding outlets that were no good for a child of any age to know of and finding comfort in her young children. This is the day I grew up.

I didn't want to grow up and have children and them to ever have to see me like this. I didn't want my kids to grow up and have to dry my tears, which is why I refrain from crying in front of them now. I wanted my kids to grow up and know the value of a dollar. To know that if you want anything in life you have to work for it. To know the work ethic that I seen in daddy Mike. It took them being apart before I let daddy Mike in my life. And it took me seeing my daddy do things with and for my little sister that he never did with and for me. It took happiness but hurt to see her get to do these things, and have the daddy I never had, before I opened my eyes. Before I realized that what I was hoping and praying for my whole life,  that the answer to my prayers were in front of me all along. My step dad became my dad. I had to let the 6 year old inside of me go before I could truly grasp that there was someone out there that loved me for me even though he didn't have to. He loved not only one, but three kids who were not his own, when the one we belonged to didn't.

For everything that you have done, and everything you will do in the future, we are forever grateful. No words could ever express or explain the love and joy we have for you in our hearts. Though we may not always show it, you always have been, and always will be, our dad when you didn't even have to be. I love you.

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