Lyn-Z's Ashes

Daddy's little girl died today. Mommy was packing everything in trash bags and told me and my baby brothers we were moving into grandma Lola's. I don't know why daddy doesn't love mommy anymore. All I know is were moving. And daddy's little girl is dead. I was 6 when daddy's little girl died. I remember he made Chris sit outside and wait for mom when he was maybe 2. He soiled his diaper and daddy didn't wanna change it. I don't know why he helped create 3 babies and cared more about booze and cigarettes then his own flesh. Shortly after that mom left him. I remember seeing him occasionally but it wasn't the same. Daddy was irreplaceable and no one would ever change that. I didn't care if they weren't together. The 6 year old onside of me always knew they would be back together. Up until I was 11, I never lost hope. Being with grandma made things easier. Mommy was getting ready for something but I didn't know what. While watching mommy, 

During my downtime, my daydreams are filled with images of you. During the night my dreams are filled with images of you. Though the timing is different, the images are all the same. You're really there, and I can feel the texture of your skin while I'm in your arms. Then I wake and snap back to reality and realize the horrible nightmare that I am faced with. You arent here, and you're never coming back.   In general, I have the perfect life. I have an amazing husband who treats my girls as though they are his and nothing has ever been different. I have an amazing job and wake up looking forward to going to everyday. I have family and friends that are there no matter what and help me anyway they can when they can. However, daily, I find a hole in my heart where you used to be. Its been the longest time that I have seen you and heard your voice that I wouldn’t know what you would look like if it weren't for the photos. Just when I think I have forgotten about the pain,