You have a part of me that no one, and I mean no one, ever has.

This is just plain ridiculous. And absolutely crazy. So I'm sitting on the couch, trying to enjoy an awesome chick flick on Netflix, and I keep getting distracted. Something so simple and probably not distracting by any Means, and yet he draws me in.  

Part of me hates to be able to put my emotions into words. Being a writer is a blessing, yes very much so. But it is also very much a curse. See, the thing is, when you're a writer, every sense that you experience is a story. Every emotion you have becomes a story. Nothing is simple.  As a writer, I see things differently. A flower can't simply be pretty. It has to be this magical thing that God put right in front of me just to brighten my day. Everything is easily translated into a beautiful story in my mind. All but one thing. Love. I've never been able to explain it or dissect it and put it into a story.

The tragic thing about being a writer, you think in more detail then most. I feel so alone. I feel like I can write this amazing story about people in my life and how I feel about them and its something so powerful and so strong that I feel like I cant go on unless I  write it down. I get distracted by you so easily because I'm trying to dissect love. I'm trying to figure out how I got so lucky and so blessed to get you back, when for a huge chunk of my life, I never thought that I would. When I was 15, I used to just stare at you and imagine what you would look like when we were 80, and now I won't have to imagine. I'll know.

 But the agonizing thing of all this, as blissful as it sounds, is I will never know what goes on in your head. When these memories flash through my head, I'm so overcome with emotion that it brings me to tears. But you don't know that, if it weren't for this you never would. It seems so foolish to someone that really doesn't write that not being able to explain something would bring a writer to tears but its my reality. You write this amazing poem, or note, or song or anything really to someone and they think its fantastic and you know they think its fantastic but they don't know how to explain it. So while you've poured your emotions out to someone you're stuck in constant wonder if they even begin to feel the same way that you do. It really sucks, for lack of a better word.

My mom always used to tell me when I would ask her what she would want for her birthday or whatever the occasion was, to write her something. I don't think I ever understood why up until now, aside from the obvious mom answer of "its a homemade gift". To mom, it was never just words, or a poem, or a homemade gift. It was me. Everything that I have ever written, I have put a piece of my heart and soul into. Mom wasn't just asking for a piece of my art, she was asking for a glimpse into my heart and soul.

I have written many things for many people in the last 12 years, but there is definitely only one person who takes up about half of my poem book. That just gives you an idea of how long I've been trying to dissect this one emotion. I've re-read my work dozens of times and none of it even begins to touch just how much love that I have for you. I've never been so overwhelmed with emotion that I look at someone and want to cry because "I love you" will never be enough. But I do with you. 

As much as I would like,  I know I may never be able to see into your emotions like I let you look into mine. And I'm OK with that. But if ever there comes a day that you have doubts and I haven't shown you my heart and soul in a while, open that little green book. Read it and know that no one has ever gotten out of me what you have. You aren't only a chapter in my life, you're my story. You're everything to me and no matter what you will always get the very best of me.